A Voyager of The Years

"It’s like suicide that’s more natural
A suicide that’s more slow
One that takes a while
And that doesn’t happen in one blow,
So people will see it coming
They won’t have such a shock
But they won’t be able to do anything
I will keep my plans shut down and locked,
I won’t be invisible
People will be able to see
Thy saw last time anyway
And I nearly set myself free,
They saved me out of nowhere
Right before I was about to die
This time I’ll not let that happen
I’ll pretend I’m going to try,
I’ll pretend that I want to live
But I’ll carry on my plan
I’ll show them I want to live
But to die do all I can,
It will be easier in everyone else
Maybe easier on myself
If each day I become weaker
If each day I lose my health,
Rather than do something sudden
Or something I see as violent
I’ll slowly drain away my life
No one will see the clear intent,
This way it seems more acceptable
Like others will understand
They won’t totally hate me
They will move on as much as they can,
They should of just left me
Let me die those years ago
We all would of been free now
The pain would of been let go,
Instead I am struggling
Everyone else has to see
I am in pain
But the blame still lies with me,
I should just try more
I should let her know
I should let them help
I shouldn’t do it alone,
Apart from when I cry for help
When I scream out in pain
People don’t like what I’m saying
They often turn the other way,
What else am I meant to do now
How else am I meant to cope
I don’t want to live this life anymore
I no longer have any hope,
I want to be free now
Like I should already be
I am sorry for who I hurt
It this world isn’t for me."

"I know, love.
I know through the blank stares
The disassociation,
You are still here
(Somewhere).

I hear you, darling.
I hear through the clenched teeth,
The sobs,
That right now you feel incomplete
(Facing defeat).

I feel you, baby.
Just know that I have enough love
For you and I;
For the both of us
(There’s hope for us)."